The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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