Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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