wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
