pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
