can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
