I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
