I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
