do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
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Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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