i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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