Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
