awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
