My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
