i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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