Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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