Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
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I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
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I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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