if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
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