I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
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