I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
