Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
