Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Come back. Shots need mouths.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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