Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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