so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
