Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
