We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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