A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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