Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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