I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
