I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
