everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
