So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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