he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
