somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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