he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize