Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
