She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
