weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
