Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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