if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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