its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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