I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
