omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
