you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
