every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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