I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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