I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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