I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
