what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
