I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
