Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
