I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
