She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
