you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
