So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
