I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
