the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
