So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
