While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
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