We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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