It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize