They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
