I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
