my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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