Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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