Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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