there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
