highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
