Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster