Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.