Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING