he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I have aggressive nipples.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard