you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.