I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting