I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.