I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.