Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
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If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé